I’ve had a lot of people come up to me lately and tell me that they love my blog, and that they’ve been going back to read old posts since I haven’t been posting.
Where have you been?
I’ve been here. I’ve been writing. I appreciate the subtle nudging. I just haven’t been up to share the stories filling up my Drafts.
To share that I was once again picking myself up from the million little pieces that I found myself left in. That I had once again let someone destroy all the progress I made inside. That I was comparing myself to women that I hadn’t even met. That I had decided I simply wasn’t capable of receiving the love I am always willing to give because of the actions of others.
The girl who could always find the silver lining in the stories she shared could not spin this one positive.
So, I did not feel like sharing.
I’ve just been healing. Taking (almost 5) months off. Focusing on myself and my goals. Being truly, 100% single.
What good is running a marathon with a broken foot…
It doesn’t just feel… it must do.
Like that Cleo Wade poem, “if your love has a million words and only two steps, it perhaps is not love, but a song about love instead.”
It’s my Dad picking up the phone and saving me from my troubles despite me being a brat. It’s me forcing myself through those mausoleum doors despite the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach each time. It’s driving out of your way to see someone. It’s the difficult convos. It’s the small things they remember after you’ve had a difficult week.
Whether that’s friendships, family, romantic relationships. It moves. It does.
(Goodness that makes me smile it’s so weird lol)
Every single situation I look back on it rings true. Every single one… Even if it wasn’t moving for me.
Forget the feelings and the words for a second. Although the feelings are important, I know I personally can get so caught up in the feelings and forget to look for action. The signs right in front of me.
I think we have this thing that if we do, we must receive. And if we don’t receive, we’re broken. We gave wrong or we didn’t give enough. We internalize it, especially when we’ve invested time and energy into a situation.
The truth is you can’t control what others do despite how deep your feelings for them may be. It’s scary but it’s true. That’s the risk. Are you willing to take it?
Is it flowing, sis? Is it moving? If not, then it’s not yours. And, by no fault of your own.
Follow your heart without neglecting your brain.
“I can’t go back to the way I was… I know more now than I did then.”