I have had a lot of weird situations happen lately, which led me to post “Yall aren’t tired of hook-up culture yet” on IG.
I feel like when I say that it immediately scares people away. And, this was confirmed because I received about 20 DMs saying that this wasn’t going to make people want to approach me.
It is what it is.
I know that my stance on it is 83% (yes, I calculated this…lol) why I’m single at the moment. But, I feel I have valid reasons for saying it that no one chooses to stick around and hear. Well, little baby blog, that’s why I have you.
I hate hook-up culture not because of the hooking-up. Rather, I hate it because of how people tend to act while this “getting to know you” phase is happening.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to “hook-up” with more than one person at a time. I know myself, and it would honestly be an emotional disaster. And, I have no problem telling you that. But, this is a huge no-no, clearly, that often scares people away. Immediately. No more convo to be had. They make it about me being possessive in their heads instead of , I don’t know, actually listening to what I have to say – that it’s simply me guarding my own emotions (and my panini, obviously)…
Ending the convo at that point also means I’m rarely asked if they can hook-up with other people. If we aren’t exclusive I “don’t care” what you do (obviously people care even if they want to say they don’t, but I can’t hold you to a standard that we haven’t set). That is dating. You get to know people. I just choose not to get to know everyone on a physical level. So, shoot me.
Here’s the real kicker. Because we have all these things going on, we feel the need to tell half-truths as to not ruin anything you have going on that now involves very real feelings. I would prefer your transparency. Don’t try to spin your truths on me, start a fight to avoid a talk, or make me the one to make a decision for you.
You hooked-up with Cindy, and now you have feelings that you want to explore more closely? Bet, thanks for letting me know. You don’t want a relationship any time soon? Bet, thanks for letting me know.
Just let me choose how I want to move forward. Let me decide if my connection with you is worth exploring further or if I want to opt out.
Knowing When it’s a Waste of Time.
I said the previous one was the kicker, but this is indeed the kicker lol. I think we all need to better gauge when we are wasting someone’s time (money, energy, peace, etc.). Whatever the case may be. Don’t engage with people if you’re not available (I don’t just mean being single, but emotionally). Don’t keep them around because its grown comfortable when you know there is nothing further to be had. Don’t give mixed signals.
I’m not perfect. I could def be a better communicator. I could also stop assuming my emotions speak when it may not be as clear as I think it is. But, at least I’m attempting to be cognizant of it.
It’s like we have two types of people left: you’re either a hopeless romantic (and nothing can make you not want to try to find love again) or dating sucks and you’re not interested. And, it’s sad to see…
I’m sure I’ll add more to this later.